I have one downfall… well maybe a few…but this is the BIG LOBOWSKI… my X… I hate him..I love him…I know who..what…why…he us…but for what ever reasons…only God knows…he is my HOME….and I just wish in a perfect world that we could be less cruel to each other…more open…and I pray he stops making part if this madness….foolish I know…cause its probably never going to happen… but oddly enough…that’s what jeeps me hanging in….the idea if it…that and I just fucking LOVE the BRAT to pieces…..inspite of both of us. ..ppl tell me…he will KILL YOU EVENTUALLY.. maybe so…but I feel that I am somehow awakened in his presence… can’t quite explain it all…he is detremental to my health…has many tricks up his sleeve…but at the end of the day…he is my last good thought…and upon awakening he is my hopeful thoughts…. I wish we could sync ourselves better together….I wish my insecurities will get better too….and he is who I want to be with….is that so bad…is that too much too ask for….he makes me CRAZY, without a doubt… but after all said and done….I still want to wake up beside his warm body… still want to gaze into his eyes…still want to make passionate love to him…so I asked God to be the judge….and I listen close…. I ask God to remove him if he us so bad …and all other stuff I asked removed…was removed…. he is still there….I am going with blind faith on this one…God answered…cause he is still there…and I am too….I guess this is what REAL LOVE is….

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